Disaster! Blog Editorial: Farewell to our old friend, the Homeland Security Advisory System (HSAS)

(A brief Disaster! Blog editorial from Rob)

I remember the marks on the AM radio dial when I was a kid. The small circles with the embedded triangle that sat quietly at 640 and 1240 kc, sentinals at the ready to broadcast the pre-recorded CONELRAD message to warn us and confuse the Russkie bombers on their way to drop The Big One on Pittsburgh. The Nike missiles would have stopped them long before they made it to my neighborhood, though, so I felt secure.

Through our childhood, we endured the ominous tone and the official sounding announcer. "This is only a test," would haunt our TV viewing for years to come.

There were the Saturday noon siren tests, the Fallout Shelter signs on our schools, and the "This is a unit of YOUR Civil Defense" stickers on the back of the Post Office Jeeps. Our mailman was an old guy who read our magazines and post cards as he ate lunch at the little store down the street. I always assumed it was part of his official CD responsibilities. Must have been, because our neighborhood was never attacked. Although the movie, I was a Communist for the FBI , WAS about a guy from my hometown. Maybe the mailman was an accomplice? I digress ---

Now, joining "Mr. CD," (the Speedy AlkaSeltzer looking civil defense character), survival crackers, the red dye #5 carb supplements, crisis relocation plans, and our old friend and mentor, Bert the Turtle, will be the Homeland Security Advisory System (HSAS) color codes. For years, we were at yellow and orange, though I waited with a box of plastic sheeting and duct tape for word that we were at red. I kept it under the bed, and checked it every night, as I always made sure that the pods weren't under there before I went to sleep. I saw Invasion of the Body Snatchers and I knew. I knew.

We would be ok, though - the dehydrated beans and powered milk left over from Y2K would sustain my family for several weeks. I learned important lessons about preparedness from the hundreds of cans of Dinty Moore stew that my dad bought during the riots in the 60s (my brother ate the last one in 1982, and it didn't seem to affect him, much) and that pesky truckers strike that threatened our supply of toilet paper in the 70s. Why dad didn't buy White Cloud, I'll never know. Crisis should not be exacerbated by chafing.

I'm hoping that Bert is somehow reincarnated to keep us,  keep us on our toes. Bert would always be plugged into Homeland Security, NORAD, and would have the home and bunker phone numbers of Tom Ridge. Bert can keep us safe."He knew just what to do," we were taught by the song.

After all, Bert, unlike the HSAS, might find it easy being green.

Dum-dum, Deedle-dum-dum ---